Monday, March 23, 2009

Dead sober on a Monday

I am dead sober write now but experiencing an itch to write.  I recently dropped into the next lower smoking bracket, and if anybody needs any convincing to do likewise, let me just say:  my half-eighth, bought two Saturdays ago, is only half-finished.  I opted for some variety that was slightly more expensive than the already steep price of bud, but every puff reassures me that I made the right decision.  I use the word puff here because that is what my smoking sessions have lately consisted in:  just a single puff, from a glass one-hitter.  Sometimes I will pack another but, realizing that I am definitely wasted, wait at least 45 minutes for the present high to wear off before smoking it, thus keeping my tolerance down.

My smoking have lately assumed kind of an economic fiendishness--I like to see how much mileage I can get out of the tiniest pinch.  If there is any shake, I will always grab that before taking a pinch from a still-contiguous bud.  I have even worked out just the right level of airflow and lip closure on the pipe to ensure that I light the shake without torching it, and that I pull air through the shake without pulling the shake through the pipe.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Phelps takes bong hit and loses millions in contract with Kelloggs.

Covergirl Rihanna stays with 19 year old boyfriend who beat her up, loses nothing.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

late night pleasures

This would be a contribution to "Smoking in the P.M." I guess - I routinely get up earlier than my wife and get high in the early morning, but sometimes on the weekends my schedule will vary. Tonight, such variance is at hand, as it is two minutes to midnight and I find myself still awake, preparing to enjoy the pleasures of the late-night weedothon for at least another hour. I'm talking Tagalong ice cream (yes, Edy's really does make that), some de-stemmed and de-seeded crumbly shake, Spaten Optimator and The Wire. And some porn. And blogging with you happenin' cats. So I'd have to say that I can't knock the P.M. smokefest, either. Conclusion: get high in the mornin', high at night, high in the afternoon and keep ya head right! Today I got high and lightly drunk all day, but got some tremendous work done on a pesky Renaissance poetry paper that's been dogging me since last semester (currently languishing as an Incomplete). In fact, without exactly trying to, I recalled my successful paper-writing method that I had developed in my first three years of grad school and then forgotten this year, much to my dismay. So I'd say Mary Jane and I are on the comeback trail. Catch you on the flipside, potheads.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Quantity VS. Quality

This is a famous question debated amongst even the greatest of potheads, like Arnold.  Quantity or Quality?Quality is good because it REALLY fucks you, however fucking your wallet in the process.  Quantity saves you money, but can you find good weed for cheap? 
   My stance is that you can.  During this day and age, money has to be tight amongst the masses.  Quantity is........

This is a funny half-post which I wrote weeks ago and never finished.  Here are some interesting bullet points:
* I had just smoked the newest bag I bought from the same co-worker described in post "The Games We All Play", who is now my drug dealer. She gets good weed for quantity, somewhere between Mexican Brick Weed and the marijuana formerly known as "Beasters". I recieved about 8 grams for 5o bones.  
* Directly after smoking I began to write, obviously then becoming side tracked with the obsession of linking Arnold Schwarzenegger into the post as a humor device. After the link, which was harder than I thought, I had apparently lost all motivation (or perhaps became occupied with a more important project.
* I was going to write how badass QUANTITY was, but after a couple weeks of smoking it I think I may prefer QUALITY now- because the "Middies" I have makes me a little tired and at times makes my head feel heavy.  I also have to roll huge Marley Spliffs because I need a lot of it to get to a good place.  The habit of smoking these large joints has fed upon itself and in two weeks I have more than tripled my prior smoking habit.  But it is MUUCHHH cheaper.  I guess the conclusion I can make is that you get what you pay for.
* This entire post reminded me of something a friend of mine told me in college, which he had apparently read in a magazine like Maxim or Stuff.  It was as follows:  If you have a lot to do during the day and you still want to smoke, then here is a solution.  This will also come in handy amongst weed smokers whom want to make their weed last.  Invest in a really nice glass bong (like a Roor-if you don't know then google it).  Then invest in some really good weed like Super Headies.  The night before you go to sleep, pack a nice "snap" (as my California friend used to say meaning a personal bowl or one-hitter). Wake up in the morning, shower, eat and then take the hit.  According to the magazine article you will maintain a steady high throughout the entire day, even many hours after, yet still be functional enough to get the work done.  

After I research this theory a little more I will get back to you.      

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Smoking in the p.m.

Definitely not something I'm trying to talk shit about.  Probably 80% of smoking takes place in the p.m.  Most people smoke only in the p.m. because, as discussed in previous posts, smoking in the a.m. can make you too distracted to actually do important shit or go to work.

Is there any good to be said about smoking in the p.m., asde from the fact that it is better for most people's schedules?  This is a very interesting question -- I think I'll get high in order to better ponder it.  It will be "p.m." for another 7 minutes, and then I'll just be smoking in the a.m., but not in the glamorous sense as described in previous posts.  It's fun to smoke in the early morn', but smoking in the late, late night is just kind of fucking yourself since you probably won't get anything done.

Smoking in the a.m., Part 3

I thought I would report on a little a.m. smoking of my own.  Used to be that if I could manage to make coffee first thing in the morning, then I could manage to stay awake and do some work.  Well, making coffee is a bit of a pain in the ass when you're real tired, even if you prepped some of it the night before.  I found, though, that if I can manage to smoke first thing, then it is virtually certain that I will want coffee right afterwards.  And since marijuana has maybe a stronger draw than coffee, this helps me get up in the morning.

The only potential snag is that on account of the euphoria of a morning smoke, you are more likely than normal to get sidetracked.  When you're high in the morning, it is easy to fall into kind of a vacation mindset.  Suddenly your house or apartment is a vacation home, and you are on vacation in it.  Common symptoms of the vacation mindset include a strong desire to make bacon and eggs, a strong desire to drink (if you're a drinking man), sudden formation of plans to go off on random sightseeing ventures around town, etc.  Thus, if a morning smoke is part of your morning plans, you may want to wake up even earlier to allow time for pursuing random distractions.  And if you do, for example, make bacon and eggs for yourself at 7 a.m., you're gonna want to smoke again afterwards, so you need to allow time for that, too.

Smoking in the a.m., Part 2

More from Bony Tony:

What up P-rizzle,
    It's 5:18 AM and I've got one rewrite left to grade.  I gotta grade that maahfukkah (5 minutes), record all the grades I done been doin' (10 minutes), write the literature day lesson plan (1 hour, tops), take a shower and get dressed (30 minutes), make some coffee and clean up the kitchen (15 minutes), and finish reading the Apologie de Raimon Sebond (2 hours).  As far as I can tell, that'll all take me until 9:30 AM, allowing for 9 minutes' time lost not doing diddly squat.  Now, if we allow for 50 minutes' time not doing diddly squat, I can watch two more episodes of Trailer Park Boys, which would be tight.  That makes it 10:11 AM and not 9:30, but I can record the grades on the bus, which will allow me to catch said bus on time.  Time to repack the bowl!

Smoking in the a.m.

And I'm not talking at 10 or 11 a.m.--nossir, I'm talking about smoking so early that no one can possibly give you shit because their lazy asses were still in bed without any intent of getting up for the next few hours.  It's such guilt-free smoke that it's the next best thing to going to Amsterdam.  Nobody will know that you're smoking, because they're all asleep; and the nagging concern that maybe you're unwittingly smoking your life away is less severe early in the morning just on account of having woken up so early, presumably with some productive purpose in mind.  The concomitant risks of smoking are still present, of course; you're likely to get hungry, to get distracted, to get distracted by hunger, or to simply forget shit, as happened to contributor "Bony Tony", who e-mailed me this post, forgetting that he has posting priviledges of his own:

As the clock just struck 4:21 AM, I took a fairly wimpy hit from my extra-small bowl; 4 essay rewrites left to grade.  My students have to turn in these written compositions that I mark up and grade, then turn in rewrites of them based on my corrections.  I just typed "DSF" to see if the spell-check is working - it is.  I had to stick three kids with check minuses this time, because they keep turning in their fucking compositions handwritten and single-spaced; gotta be double-spaced, kids.  I done told ya twice and y'all ain't listened yet.  I haven't smoked at 4:20 AM in a very long time, but yesterday my fiendishness derailed me.  I skipped out on my French 121 staff meeting, ran by the Ithaca Coffee Company to get a few beers, then hit the dope-man's house to knock back some cold ones and smoke a few bowls before my dentist appointment.  I kept kinda nodding off, which I think was annoying the dentist, but at those kinds of prices that motherfucker's just gonna have to deal with it.  I wolfed down some Burger King afterwards, as my munchies had been gnawing at my insides, then went home and promptly fell asleep on the sofa.  I later transferred myself to my bed upstairs, and awoke at 3:00 AM realizing that I had a pile of student work to grade, a lesson plan to write (for tomorrow, Wednesday's class), and a bunch of reading to do about Renaissance skepticism and masochism through the ages.  It is now 4:28 AM.  Make that 4:29 - Bony Tony out!

Sunday, March 1, 2009


Scientific name is Skeletium tortuosum.  This one sounded very promising.  Vaguely defined as a mood enhancer.  Used by South African herdsman since prehistoric times.  It sounded like a good drug to try on the weekdays.  Herdsman will apparently chew on it throughout the day.  Experience reports just say that it gave them a slight euphoria without interfering too much with motor skills and the like.

I tried making tea with it a few times, attempted insufflation one time, and currently have a small pinch of it in-between my lip and gum.  I am having trouble detecting any distinct effect which I can attribute to the kanna, but I have high hopes for this substance.