Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Smoking in the a.m.

And I'm not talking at 10 or 11 a.m.--nossir, I'm talking about smoking so early that no one can possibly give you shit because their lazy asses were still in bed without any intent of getting up for the next few hours.  It's such guilt-free smoke that it's the next best thing to going to Amsterdam.  Nobody will know that you're smoking, because they're all asleep; and the nagging concern that maybe you're unwittingly smoking your life away is less severe early in the morning just on account of having woken up so early, presumably with some productive purpose in mind.  The concomitant risks of smoking are still present, of course; you're likely to get hungry, to get distracted, to get distracted by hunger, or to simply forget shit, as happened to contributor "Bony Tony", who e-mailed me this post, forgetting that he has posting priviledges of his own:

As the clock just struck 4:21 AM, I took a fairly wimpy hit from my extra-small bowl; 4 essay rewrites left to grade.  My students have to turn in these written compositions that I mark up and grade, then turn in rewrites of them based on my corrections.  I just typed "DSF" to see if the spell-check is working - it is.  I had to stick three kids with check minuses this time, because they keep turning in their fucking compositions handwritten and single-spaced; gotta be double-spaced, kids.  I done told ya twice and y'all ain't listened yet.  I haven't smoked at 4:20 AM in a very long time, but yesterday my fiendishness derailed me.  I skipped out on my French 121 staff meeting, ran by the Ithaca Coffee Company to get a few beers, then hit the dope-man's house to knock back some cold ones and smoke a few bowls before my dentist appointment.  I kept kinda nodding off, which I think was annoying the dentist, but at those kinds of prices that motherfucker's just gonna have to deal with it.  I wolfed down some Burger King afterwards, as my munchies had been gnawing at my insides, then went home and promptly fell asleep on the sofa.  I later transferred myself to my bed upstairs, and awoke at 3:00 AM realizing that I had a pile of student work to grade, a lesson plan to write (for tomorrow, Wednesday's class), and a bunch of reading to do about Renaissance skepticism and masochism through the ages.  It is now 4:28 AM.  Make that 4:29 - Bony Tony out!

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