Sunday, February 8, 2009

Aluminum Smoking Apparatus

When I was a young boy, my friend and I would always smoke in public places like mall parking lots.  We would go out sin drugs, buy some from a friend, and then go buy a disposable pipe at the local vending machine.  No, we didn't live in Amsterdam, it was here in America.  We would go to a nearby grocery store, put a dollar in the soda machine and after washing down the contents we would have a pipe.  
I heard a bit of wisdom once in a hostel in Barcelona while I was working the night shift.  A colorful chap from a strange land in Eastern Europe named Estonia asked me about making a smoking device out of a discarded soda can.  I watched him carefully double the can against itself and being familiar with the operation that was at hand I pulled out the business end of an unfolded paperclip for poking.  This was when I was unexpectedly awarded a pearl of wisdom from my new blonde-haired friend. 

"Are you aware of the trick to these devices..." he began in his strange, broken english words, "I need not a poker, the device is self-supporting, see..".  He then broke off the pull tab of the can.  "Watch this..." he started, bending the aluminum tab against itself until it broke and looked like the fat retarded brother of a miniature pitchfork. He then used this little object to poke, making very even, professional holes in the coke can.  

I once heard, many years ago, of a strange doper's urban legend.  The tale was told to me in such a way as to insinuate that much research had been put into finding out the results soon to be shared with me.  When you smoke mary jane (I was told) it kills brain cells, however these same brain cells regenerate with time.  When you smoke out of an aluminum can or homemade aluminum foil pipe you kill the same brain cells, however this time they do not regenerate. Whether true or not it still makes me uncomfortable when I use one of these smoking methods. And I have paid it forward to you, no doubt, giving many current readers the same seed of fear. And yes, I am, smoking out of an aluminum pipe right now [disclaimer: the author does not actually do drugs, everything is written as a fictional part of his or her poetic license].


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